Fear
by walker-baitxx
Summary: Ichabod Crane reflects on his old life and his new life and his constant dealings with an old, old enemy. Set after episode four. Minor spoilers. Rated T for brief strong language.


**This is just an idea I got a few days ago, from crazy weirdo me wanting to delve deep into Crane's psyche (for some reason) and explore. Hope you enjoy it :)**

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 _Rated T for brief strong language and mentions of sexual content._

 _Set after episode four. Minor spoilers prior to that._

 _Crane's thoughts on his new life and his old; Snow and Bigby; Mary and the Crooked Man. All in his new Paris apartment._

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 **Fear**

Fear was something Ichabod Crane was used to. Ha. "Used to." That was like one who lived in a small town saying he was used to traffic; a lie. No, fear was more like his stalker, or the unwanted friend that he couldn't shake. It was a scar, a drug. A part of him. Sometimes it was his most-hated enemy, making him scream, or cry and curse it, hate it. Sometimes it was a great wall before him and no matter often he struck it it just would not break. But all the time it was there. Even now as he unlocked the door to his new apartment in Paris. What would be beyond it? The Crooked Man? Mary? Or, God forbid, nothing at all except a normal, Parisian studio apartment?

Ichabod reached out a shaky hand towards the knob and turned. The door opened silently, no creaks or squeaks, giving way to a dark, richly-furnished living room. He breathed deeply and walked in, flipping the light on. It wasn't as nice as his penthouse in the Woodlands, but it would do.

 _The Woodlands..._

Once again, he was away from home. Run away. He closed the front door and leaned against it. He'd left his coat back in Fabletown, with the money - _the goddamn shard_ \- and his picture of Snow. He didn't know which he was more upset about losing. Mary would have his ass for losing the shard...but he wanted that picture. He _needed_ it...to feel close to her.

 _"I know what this is," she said to him, her eyes cold and wide with fright. "I've seen it before. This is_ not _love."_

Her sweet voice had been hard with disbelief and anger...fear. He couldn't stop picturing her beautiful face, drawn in such an emotion. And _he'd_ made her feel that way; his love for her. God. What a damn fool he'd been. How could she love someone like him? Lily had because he paid her, but Snow...Snow never would. He wasn't blind; he had seen her rush to Bigby's side and cradle his broken, wolfish body. But God forbid she ensure Ichabod was all right.

He sighed deeply and began to walk around in search of the bedroom. He wanted to sleep, just sleep through the rest of his long, goddamn, pathetic life. He had no reason to stay awake anymore, now that he'd lost his job and his freedom...and his beloved. The bedroom door was at the end of the hall and he opened it, flopped down on the bed without turning on the light or stripping his clothes off. A part of him couldn't help but wish he'd brought along a memory wipe spell, to forget it all. Mary - _"Please, please disobey."_ \- and Snow - _"This isn't love." -_ and just...everything else. Maybe start over. Here, no one knew him. No one thought he was a coward.

His heart began to throb in his chest at this thought. God, he missed Fabletown. He missed...he missed Snow.

Ichabod fingered the telephone on the bedside table. He could call her, apologize, ask if he could return, long-distance be damned. He pulled the phone from its cradle and dialed. It began to ring as he held it up to his ear.

 _Rrrriiinnnngggg...rrrriiinnnnggg...rrriiinnnggg..._

Finally she picked up.

"Hello?"

It was a _man_ 's voice, gruff and groggy. Crane knew it as soon as he heard it and he slammed the phone back into the cradle, his heart pounding and chest tightening. He couldn't breathe. How _could_ she? Already she'd climbed into bed with _him_? Bigby _fucking_ Wolf of all people?

 _All because you were too scared to tell her your feelings any sooner._

Fear was something Ichabod Crane had lived with all his life. It was an enemy, an unwanted friend, a scar, a drug, a wall. And now it had driven his beloved Snow into the arms of another. Oh how he hated fear. How he _loathed_ it.

But he was Ichabod Crane.

And fear was a part of him.

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 **Okay, so the ending was a bit AU with the Snigby, but I had fun writing this. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I might add other chapters about other characters and some scenes with them...any suggestions/requests? They can be AU or not. Let me know :)**


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